I have concluded that I am not all there. 
I feel pretty heartless.

I think i’m happy. 

I’m cleaning my room. My mums always told me ‘tidy room, tidy mind’.
My housemate Zara lent me her laptop while mines away broken. So i’m listening to Ed Sheeran on her itunes.

Despite my luck being crap and being poor. I’m loving my friends atm, in Wrexham and Hereford. I feel dead comfortable in that manner. 

In a months time, I know my luck will change. Everything will be so different. I have so many plans this year. I can’t wait to see where i’m at come 6 months time.

So I haven’t been able to post.
My lucks been dead shit recently.
Somethings I won’t go into.

But my charging port on my laptop died and then I paid 75 to get it fixed and then the whole laptop just died. Sigh.
So it’s being looked at again now.

A lot of things are clear to me at the moment. Future plans are in motion. Yet so much feels like it’s crushing me. And though things are clear, the things I need to do to reach these goals seem too hard right now.  

Having absolutely no money at the moment as well is becoming very draining.

Yesterday was so, urgh.Today I feel bloody fantastic.

Woke up alone. And was in a fabby mood.
Finally did some food shopping (all healthy ofcourse)

Just eaten properly for like the first time in days. I’ve been on like 1 meal or less.
The last proper meal I had was in spoons on thursday. Ungood.

I cleared out all the empty alcohol bottles and glasses out my room.
I had 19 bottles. Which is impressive I think. 

Now i’m getting on some traditional method illustration.
Might catch some more practice on my graphics pad in a bit and watch some more tutorials.

My housemate Lydia made me a lovely cup of tea.
There is no snow.
I’m still playing with the idea of moving back to Hereford for next year, despite the fact I do love everyone here, the course just isn’t up to scratch.

If I can keep this state of mind. I’ll be alright.

I keep letting tiny little things take control of my life. And put me into this sort of, mood coma.

Nobody ever asks questions, they just leave me to it. But everyone will pile whatever they can on me. Tell me all their problems and expect me to resolve them. 
I am a good listener, not so much at the advice part. But I sit there and take it all in, for what seems like everyone.
And yet I feel like there is not a single person on this earth willing to listen to me. Or maybe it’s is the other way around, and it is just that there is not a single person I feel fully comfortable talking to.

And then I put myself in this place, where I convince myself I have no one. And then I think about my past. And how it just goes from being shit to shitter.

I was happy yesterday, I don’t understand why I feel like this now.

So i’m actually doing relatively ok at university atm.
I have 2 weeks off now, so i’m going to go home for a few days. I am very keen for this tbh. I’m going to hug the shit out of my cats and my besty.

It’s sucky as Monday was my cousins funeral but I was unable to go due to university assessments and my cousin becky was round from south hampton and everything! I think my mum’s missing me quite a bit so it’s going to be nice to see her too. It’s her birthday as well in a few days.

When i’m back i’m going to start running and swimming regularily again. Last year I did it all the time. Since i’ve been back this year i’ve been a tad rubbish. But i’m going to get back into shape a bit more now i’m getting skinnier. And maybe send some photos off again. Seems a shame to let my lard ass go to waste.

Why is it everyone I hold close to me always ends up dead or dying.

When we got to the till there was a blonde, timid looking boy serving. The sort that looks like he’s only ever touched his own nipple, and his mums when he was born.

I realised I had a collection of very odd things. So I arranged them on the belt in a nice little line and in order of ‘a night out’. The order was as follows:

Some food.

A lot of alcohol.

Passion fruit lube.

Cystitus sachets.

Bacon.

I’ve never seen a young male look so awkward. It was, quite honestly, a laugh riot.

I dressed up as a teacher, I had a cane, fishnets and detention slips and everything.
It was great fun and of course, I acted like a complete slut. 

However my friend spanked me with my cane so hard it snapped in half. Gutted.

Will totes put pics up soon, hilarious night!